Well it’s Christmas time again. The joy of Christmas is increased by the very busy time that precedes it. And this year is no different. We have lots to get through in the next 3 weeks.
We will work up to Wednesday 20th December and then collapse. After experiencing the healing properties of Turkey and Pavlova in high doses, we will return to work on Monday the 15th January 2018 to kick off the New Year.
Thank you to all our clients that have trusted us to build or renovate their homes this year.
For those of you that are tempted to undertake a little bit of renovating over the holidays whilst we are not available, I have prepared a few tips for you below.
1. It’s not true that your cousin the plumber will never turn up. In fact, he’ll turn up on day one, at precisely the time promised, whereupon he will disconnect your plumbing, remove a section of your roof, then disappear fishing until the end of January.
2. Your initial budget should be seen as a work of fiction so rich and imaginative that it could be entered in the Booker Prize for Fiction.
3. The marital argument over whether to choose the ”Calypso Blue” or the ”Ocean Breeze” for the kitchen cupboards will rise in intensity according to the degree to which the two colours are indistinguishable.
4. The marital argument over whether to choose the ”Calico Breeze” or the ”Desert Sands” will be just as astonishing, which is surprising since both are identical shades of what used to be called ”off-white”.
5. If you live in Paddington or Balmain you are required to paint at least one surface in the colour ”Hog’s Bristle”.
6. If you live anywhere in the Hills District, you are required to paint at least one surface in the colour ”Woodland Grey”.
7. Cans of paint come in quantities of 1 litre, 4 litres or 12 litres, while we builders construct all Australian bedrooms to require quantities of 1.2 or 4.2 or 12.2 litres. This is why there is no Australian shed that does not contain a stack of old paint tins.
8. The only fabric you can bear the sight of will be the most expensive one in the shop. Ordering it will involve a three-month wait.
9. Every Australian man, when buying methylated spirits for a cleaning job, is required to say to the guy serving: ”Have you got any cold ones?”
10. Every Australian man when using a G-clamp, is required to say: ”It’s just one of my many vices.”
11. Every Australian man when using a stud-finder before drilling a hole for a picture hook, is required to hold the device against his own body and when the bulb lights up say: ”Pretty accurate, eh?”
12. Important decisions will always be made by your brother or uncle during the five minutes you are up at Bunnings, including the decision to knock a hole for a window in the wrong wall and to pebblecrete the heritage-listed sandstone facade.
13. The height at which you place the door handles is of vital and crucial importance for the three days during which it’s an issue, but will then never again enter your mind.
14. Cement dust, released at the far end of your backyard, will find its way into your underwear drawer by means still not understood by science.
15. Telephone calls will always come when you are atop a ladder with a loaded paint-roller. They will always be a someone from an unknown dubious charity thanking you for your support last year and asking if you are happy to commit to the same donation for 2018.
16. When working with electricity it’s crucial to make sure you have everything you need. These comprise: an insulated screwdriver, a pair of wire cutters, thongs, life insurance.
17. The rubbish skip must by law be supplied by a company with a bad pun in its name, such as ”Bin-gos”, ”Dial a Dump” or ”Hop Skip & Dump”. The words ‘Do not fill above this level’ do not apply to you.
Enjoy your Christmas renovating!
Richard & Kate Hoogervorst